Pulpit Digest some years ago carried the story of two Irish women who were talking as they were walking together on the way home from church one Sunday. They had just heard the local Archbishop preach a sermon on the subject: “The Beauty of Married Life.” “’Tis a fine sermon his reverence gave us today”, said one woman to the other. “’Twas indeed” replied the other, “and I wish I knew as little about the subject as he does.”
A good marriage does not automatically happen. It is something for which two people must work and strive. It should start with the personal commitment of each spouse to Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5:21 says that when that kind of relationship exists in a marriage it is a form of worship. So, how can husbands and wives achieve this in their marriage?
First, they must learn to deal with their differences. This has never been easy for me to communicate to young lovers sitting on the couch in my office in pre-marital counseling sessions. They are holding hands and have a gleam in their eyes. The fellow sees his fiancée as though she were a goddess. She, in turn, exaggerates his every virtue into a glorious illusion. Following their marriage both partners are going to need the spirit of forgiveness in abundance. The faults they never saw before will become obvious in Technicolor.
The point is that we are all human. We fail in many ways. We have differences of opinion on a countless range of subjects, and these can quickly be blown out of proportion, and often are. The Phillips translation of I Corinthians 13:5 describes it this way: “Love does not keep an account of evil.” It is difficult to live with a spouse who continually brings up every mistake you ever made. Not to forgive is a form of control.
Second, they should never neglect their spouse. We as individuals were created for fellowship with God and for one another. “It is not good that the man should live alone” (Genesis 2:18). Multitudes of husbands and wives suffer from “chronic emotional malnutrition.” And they become lonely and neglected, isolated from one another. The husband’s work load increases, and the wife throws herself into civic organizations and into church activities. The marriage suffers because they grow apart. A marriage can be vaccinated against “chronic emotional malnutrition” through renewed commitment to Christ, by continuing to date, and by a continued willingness to help one another.
Finally, they must love their spouse as he (or she) is. Trying to mold your spouse into your own image creates the kind of tension that leads to problems, and possibly to divorce. There is something about human nature that resists persons who try to constantly change you – even when you need to change. Nothing is too big or too little to discuss together in a prayerful way, but the ideal change agent in a Christian marriage is Jesus Christ. He is the potter; we are the clay. That is the divine order for constructive change in a marriage.
Admittedly, there are many times when you may think you will not survive the idiosyncrasies of your partner. But, if they are dealt with prayerfully, the Lord can help you to become more in touch with your own hang-ups which He knows will have to go in order for your marriage to survive in a healthy way. With God’s leadership every marriage can succeed.
Ogden Nash, in his poem entitled “Marriage,” adds this additional very practical advice:
“To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
Whenever you’re right, shut up.”
The Paper Pulpit 
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