J. Allan Petersen’s book, “The Myth of the Greener Grass,” contains a lot of truth that our generation needs to hear. After nearly forty years of counseling married couples, he points out the tragedy caused when one or both partners in a marriage are unfaithful to their marriage vows.
Infidelity is so common that it has invaded Christian churches – in many instances big time. The increased secularization in today’s world, fertilized by a chipping away at society’s established patterns for successful and happy marriages, fewer eyebrows are raised than in prior generations. The head is unbowed. The heart is unbroken. The further one travels on the road toward Sodom the easier the journey becomes.
According to Petersen, “A call for fidelity is like a solitary voice crying in today’s sexual wilderness. What was once labeled adultery and carried a stigma of guilt and embarrassment is now an affair – a nice sounding, almost inviting word wrapped in mystery, fascination, and excitement. A relationship is not a sin. What was once behind the scenes – a secret closely guarded – is now in the headlines, a TV theme, a best seller, as common as a cold. Marriages are open; divorces are viewed as creative.”
Magazine racks, bookshelves, billboards, movie theaters, television and the Internet have all become cesspools for the portrayal of sex outside of marriage. This results in infidelity becoming more common and acceptable. Fidelity, not infidelity, needs defending in our sex-saturated society. People who proclaim and practice the virtues of faithfulness are often regarded as either mid-Victorian or as a religious fanatic.
An article in Redbook Magazine co-authored by Robert J. Levin and Alexander Lowen mentioned three ways in which infidelity can totally destroy the future of any marriage:
First, infidelity causes pain to the other. A solid marriage between a man and a woman is bound together not by law, but by faithfulness. Without singularity of commitment, a marriage tends to fall apart. The cheater’s pleasure causes great pain to the partner who is betrayed.
Second, infidelity masks the real problem. To whatever extent infidelity temporarily relieves the discontent in a marriage by either a husband or a wife, it camouflages the real malady and permits it to grow larger. The betrayed partner either hides the hurt or seeks separation and divorce.
Third, infidelity is destructive of the self. A healthy marriage is never based on deceit. The grass on the other side of the fence may look greener, but it isn’t. The principles that lead to a successful and happy marriage found in God’s Word are right. Infidelity by a marriage partner is not just an affair. It is adultery. And it has serious consequences.
Marital infidelity at its core is dishonesty and a sin – a sin against the marriage partner, a sin against God, and a sin in the life of the guilty partner. But even after that, there is a way a broken marriage can be healed. Healing can only happen through total and honest confession of sin. “If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (I John 1:8). Notice that the word is “all” unrighteousness, not just “some” unrighteousness.
Healing can take place only if and when the partner who has sinned submits to God for cleansing, and the injured partner accepts his or her sincerity. Then the two of them together must totally rededicate themselves and their marriage to God and to each other in a way that will produce consistent spiritual growth. It is a starting over, and with God’s help it will work. I have in counseling situations seen it happen.
The Paper Pulpit 
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