Resentment between church members is just one of the problems with which Christian ministers have to grapple if they are to successfully lead the church they serve to fulfill its divinely assigned mission. Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary defines resentment as “a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, an insult or injury.”
Resentful people, of course, can be found in every walk of life. They work in the office where you are employed. They are members of your civic club, sing next to you in the church choir, and sit on a church pew in close proximity to where you sit. They come in all sizes and shapes and are not limited to a single age group. They can even be, and often are, members of your own family.
When something is said or done within a marriage that leads to resentment, it creates misery for every member of that family. I recently saw a true-to-life cartoon of a couple who had gone to a marriage counselor seeking guidance. The wife said to the counselor, “And you would never guess what he did on our honeymoon 21 years ago?” Can you imagine how much suffering an entire family would endure when resentment is allowed to metastasize for 21 years?
Persons whose minds are poisoned by resentment live in a dark world ruled by suspicion and distrust. They thrive on negativity because they believe they have been victimized. They experience little joy because they look at life through dark glasses.
Resentment is generally accompanied by two other counterproductive attitudes:
Initially, it gives birth to an attitude of hostility. This generally leads to criticism of others and possibly even to acts of aggression. Hostility directed inward can lead a person to have thoughts of suicide. Hostile people vacillate between depression and anger. They can cause any person who happens to be in their vicinity to have a most unpleasant day.
Resentment also gives birth to anxiety. Those who are anxious tend to worry about problems – even those they have never had and will likely never have. Every day they find something to be angry or anxious about or someone to be resentful toward. They live in a prison that they themselves have built brick by brick, and they don’t even know it. They need to learn that anxiety never robs tomorrow of its problems or sorrows; it only saps today of its strength and joy.
If your life is dominated by a spirit of resentment, God’s Word says there are at least four things you can do to be released from it:
First, you must admit you are resentful. You will never be able to change and be freed from what you refuse to admit and confront. Those who make excuses for their irrational behavior will continue to behave irrationally. Resentment that is nurtured continues to grow.
Second, go to the person who offended you and be reconciled. If you have allowed something to build a wall between you and a member of your family, or between you and someone in your church family, or between you and a friend where you work – go to the person who offended you and make an earnest effort to be reconciled. “If you will not forgive others of their offense toward you, God cannot forgive your offense toward Him” (Matthew 6:12).
Third, call a halt to your pity party. Stop blaming your mother or father or someone else for the problems you have. No matter what has happened in the past to cause difficulty in your life, you alone make the choices that affect your life. Choices, whether positive or negative in nature, have consequences – every single one of them! You are today what you decided yesterday to become. What you decide today will determine your attitude the rest of today and what you become tomorrow. In other words, you are as happy or as miserable as you choose to be. Stop playing the blame game. Quit riding the blame train.
Fourth, ask God to strengthen and guide your attitudes and actions. I’ve tried it, and it works! If you will do these four things and not look back, you will never regret it.
The Paper Pulpit 
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